


A Muppet Valentine's Day Special!

by magical_octopus333



Category: The Muppets - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, Gen, M/M, Muppet labs present - a love perfume!, Valentine's Day, muppet labs
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-14
Updated: 2021-02-13
Packaged: 2021-02-22 15:16:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 8,051
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22718068
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/magical_octopus333/pseuds/magical_octopus333
Summary: Its a Muppet Show Valentine's Day special!Bunsen's brilliant creation is unveiled on Valentine's day, and chaos ensues for a certain orange-haired Muppet.Meanwhile, can our guest get through the day with the most chaotic bunch around? Find out!
Relationships: Beaker/Dr. Bunsen Honeydew, Gonzo the Great/Chickens, Kermit the Frog/Miss Piggy, gonzo the great/inanimate objects
Comments: 12
Kudos: 26





	1. Our guest star- Cupid!

Kermit was walking down the corridor backstage, looking through the checklist on his clipboard when he heard giggling coming from some room. He would usually shrug off the laughter, but he recognized that laugh. He could recognize that voice anywhere, he thought to himself as he went up to the guest's door and knocked.

"J-just a minute, Mr Frog!", the guest called out, rustling emanating from the room before the door was thrown open, a head of curly hair popping their head out with wide eyes. "H-hello! Oh, er, won't you come in?"

Kermit did that, keeping an eye on the floating entity, thankfully unarmed. He was looking up when suddenly he tripped and crashed to the ground, barely managing to not face plant before their guest star. Pushing himself up, he looked to see what had tripped him- a bag. A pink bag with a money sign.

Kermit got up, waving off the small hand offered to him, and sighed, looking around the room. 

"Where's Miss Piggy, Cupid?", Kermit grumbled, searching around the flower-filled room before stopping at the pink curtains by the window. Bingo.

"Wh-who's Miss Piggy?" Cupid spoke, cheeks going as red as the curls on their head and voice turning squeaky- squeakier than Beaker's when Bunsen used a term of endearment on camera.

Kermit looked pointedly at Cupid, then to the bag on the ground, the coins from it spilling out from where it laid on its side. 

"The Miss Piggy who sent you those two bouquets of roses," Kermit began, walking towards the pink curtains, "the one who likely tried to bribe you into something with that coin bag of hers- probably just chocolate mind you..." He stopped in front the curtain, one flipper grasping the side closest to him

"The Miss Piggy-" 

He yanked the curtain back, revealing a flustered Miss piggy with her arms crossed, looking away from the pair. 

"-that's standing right here. The Miss Piggy who was told-"

"I do not recall being told that Moi couldn't interact with our lovely guest!" Miss Piggy claimed, walking quickly towards cupid, who backed up towards the opposite wall. Kermit caught her arm with a sigh. 

"No, I said you shouldn't. And here you are, trying to bribe him into giving you fame and beauty-"

"Excuse Moi!", Piggy screeched, turning on her sparkly pink heels. "I am already beyond beautiful- if you've gotten swamp water in those eyes- and famous? I am a household name!"

"They named a house after you?" Cupid asked, laying in the air with their arms under their chin. The pair glared at them, who decided to whistle while finding amazing detail in a bouquet behind him. 

"Then..." Kermit said, turning back to Miss Piggy, who had pulled out of his grasp and was now studying the wild 'bouquet' Gonzo had sent. "why are you bribing cupid?"

"Does Gonzo think staplers are flowers?" Cupid asked, floating above the pair. Kermit couldn't see Miss Piggy's face, but judging on how Cupid flinched, she must have had quite a look upon her face. Miss Piggy just walked out, grabbing her bag on the way out. She stopped at the doorway and turned her head slightly.

"Cupid."

"Y-yes Miss Piggy?" 

"Not only am I a black belt, but I have amazing throwing accuracy. This never happened..."


	2. Who is going first?

"Kermie!"

"Good grief..." Kermit muttered, shrinking behind his clipboard ever so slightly as the primadonna bounded up to him, skipping ever so slightly in her sparkling outfit. She put a hand on his shoulder before smiling sweetly. 

"So, Kermie," Miss Piggy began, "I just have to ask- why is Moi not starting off the show tonight! It is Valentine's tonight, Mon Cheri!"

"Kermit 's not a chair, Miss Piggy!" Fozzie began, laughing. "Even if he can be quite CHAIR-itable! Eh, Wokka wokka!"

Miss Piggy glared at the bear before turning her smile brilliant once more when turning towards Kermit.

"Right, well, Kermie why am I last on the schedule! Not only that, Muppet Labs is up first?"

Kermit sighed, tucking the clipboard under one arm before looking back up at Miss Piggy.

"Well, Miss Piggy, do you know why dessert is usually the last to be taken?" He smiled at her as those eyebrows drew together, her lips twisting in thought. 

"Souffle takes longer to make than lobster and steak?", Miss Piggy asked in a confused tone. 

Kermit chuckled before answering her. "Well, you always save the best for the last, that way the patron stays for the whole meal!" 

Miss Piggy nodded, still looking a little frustrated. She brightened, one hand finger raised up as she claimed an 'aha' moment. 

"Well then, how do we know they won't get full after the other sub-par courses before moi?" She spoke, looking smugly at her frog. He shook his head, his empty arm coming around her shoulders as he led her towards her dressing room. 

"Well, the other performances will only leave them hungry for more, making them even better for you. Not to mention, by then the flowers will be ready by concessions so that the stage may be filled after your show by thankful audience members!" 

He opened the door to her dressing room, gently pushing her towards it. 

"Now, is your costume and makeup already done?"

Miss Piggy gasped, her hands grabbing her head as she did so. 

"My COSTUME ISN'T READY YET, and MAKEUP-" she grabbed the frog and kissed his cheek swiftly before dashing into her dressing room, a quick thank you falling behind her as she slammed the door behind her. 

Kermit smiled, his hand reaching up to his cheek as he made his way to behind the curtains as Muppet Labs began their set. 


	3. Muppet Labs presents:

"Hello and welcome to Muppet Labs- I am Dr. Bunsen Honeydew and this here is my lovely assistant, Beaker! And we are just tickled pink this holiday, if you couldn’t tell”

Bunsen adjusted his glasses- pink heart shaped frames taking place for his usual pair. Both had their usual lab coat, but Bunsen had decided to spice it up with a red tie and black shirt. Beaker’s button up had a candy heart pattern, his clip tie black with a red rose upon it, and his head was peaking out over his collar, looking at the audience bashfully.

"Ah, yes!" Bunsen continued, leaning slightly on the lab table with a grin. "Valentine's Day! A day for love inspired by beheading!"

"Mi-Meep-ming?" Beaker squeaked, rising slightly from his collar to look inquisitively down at Bunsen. 

"Yes, beheading! Despite those gruesome roots, the holiday has become the day for cheap candy and, of course, love! Which leads to our latest creation!"

"Mi Mop Mi mep mo?" Beaker asked, fully coming out of his collar to watch Benson bend down and grab a purple gift paper wrapped box, a smug smile on his lips. He gently set the box down before turning to Beaker to give a sharp toothy grin. 

"Yes, the top secret one, Beaker." 

Bunsen calmed down with a deep breath, looking to the audience and smiling softly. He had been waiting for this holiday since the New Years Party, planning since the morning after, and putting it into motion by the end of January perfectly. 

"There have been many myths about magic and spells, of turning frogs into princes and girls into spiders among other stories, that we have heard since we were wee little young ones! And while magic isn't real-" 

A gasp came from backstage, and Beaker turned to find Cupid floating in the air, hand raised to their mouth. Behind him Kermit look worriedly between Cupid and the stage. 

"Science can still mystify the minds and do wondrous things! Plucked right from myths, I have a 'potion' of my own to reveal!"

Beaker turned back to see Bunsen untie the red bow, the purple box falling apart to reveal... a perfume bottle?

"Mi mo mo Meep Mi-Meep Mi- meeps-"

"Miss Piggy graciously gifted me with this bottle once it was empty, Beaker" 

Beaker looked at him, in a way that spoke clear as day while no meeps were uttered. It was Bunsen's turn to look bashful as he looked down at the bottle, fidgeting with the little bulb on the bottle. 

"She may have thrown it at me, but I got it for free. Now!", Bunsen turned to face the audience once more, who were chuckling at this news. 

"We at Muppet labs have a perfume bottle, 'potion' if you will, that you may think of as a love spell!" 

Gasps rang through the audience, with Beaker and a few backstage muppets joining in. Bunsen reveled in it for only a moment before snapping back into his speech. 

"But I can assure you it is simple science! Now, to test this on my wonderful assistant!"

Said assistant had hid his head entirely down his collar, only the orange wisps of hair sticking out of the top., having squeaked before hiding his head away. A muppet from the pit snorted at the sound, and some of the audience scoffed. 

"Oh, Beaker, what is the matter? You know its not magic- magic isn't real-" 

"Excuse me, but magic *is* real, Mr Science man!" Cupid yelled, their red hair pushed back as they swiftly flew onto the stage. 

"Yeah!" an audience member called out. "Just like fairies and UFEs!"

"UFEs?" Statler called from his box seat, looking curiously at the man down there.

"UFEs! Unidentified Flying Enchiladas!" 

Bunsen looked from the audience to the flying menace before him. He tried to think of a retort when Cupid huffed, lowering to stand barefoot on the table. There was probably some science rule against bare feet in a lab, but Bunsen was not so fond of rules. Or of flying fools getting in the way of science. 

"If magic isn't real, then how am I able to fly?" Cupid claimed, their chest puffed defiantly. 

Bunsen reached a hand out to gently jab at the small wings upon their back, having to hop to do so. "With your wings."

Cupid turned to look over their shoulder before glaring at Bunsen once more. 

"Well, regardless, Magic is real, and as there is no magic whatsoever coming from that little bottle, I can tell you for a fact that it will not work!"

Bunsen steamed internally, keeping his expression calm, as Beaker rested his hand upon Bunsen's shoulders. Comfort.

"Well, then, Mr Eros, we shall see- and science shall prevail!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Or will it? 
> 
> I would've gotten this all in one night if it wasn't for the cat wanting to play  
> So it will not be Valentines when I finish it, but I hope it is still a worthy read any other day.  
> I sneezed and woke the cat. 
> 
> Comments and kudos are appreciated! Let me know what you think!


	4. Leading up to The Experiment

Beaker sighed, stepping up to the counter with his hands resting on the table in front of him. Cupid was glaring at the pair off to the side but still on stage with them. It made Beaker incredibly uncomfortable, moreso than the experiment awaiting him. 

Bunsen was fuming, though you couldn't tell. Well, anyone who wasn't Beaker or maybe Kermit. To anyone else, he was completely calm and unfazed by the brazen creature who had interrupted their performance. 

Beaker hadn't realized he had closed his eyes until Bunsen put his hand on his shoulder, pulling the red-head from his thoughts. 

"You ready?" Bunsen whispered, looking at him carefully. Beaker gave him a shaky smile and slight nod. Bunsen nodded almost imperceptibly before standing more upright. 

Beaker was used to experiments. Being deformed, discombobulated, even dismembered!

"Let's see how our first test goes then, shall we?" Bunsen called out to the audience, teeth bared to look like a smile but coming like a slight snarl. 

Beaker just had one problem. 

The mist hit his skin gently, a thin layer of moisture in the air smelling... it smelled like a lab room, playing cards, and...

Beaker had fallen for his boss. Before this experiment was even a thought in Bunsen's head even. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short chapter, I know! In my defense, it is late and my laptop is running low on battery. So, a cliff hanger for you! Will it work? Is magic really real or not? Who knows, but lets hope to find out soon!
> 
> Let me know what you think, what you liked and if I should keep going with this!


	5. An apple a day...

Bunsen spritzed two puffs of spray onto Beaker before pulling back, staring as Beaker kept his eyes closed snug. He was nervous, which was fairly normal, but it didn't help Bunsen's own nerves and dare he say hope?

Beaker's eyes slowly blinked open and he turned to look at Bunsen, his eyebrows drawing together. The red head soon swiveled his head away, ducking his head into his collar to hide the rising red of his face. Bunsen seemed to droop like a flower, realizing his experiment had failed.

“Ah-HAH! Told ya’ it wouldn’t work! Love don’t come from science!” Cupid howled, his head thrown back in laughter. Bunsen seemed to freeze at the outburst before turning as Beaker dashed off stage. 

It was an odd phenomenon that, had Beaker been asked, usually only happened when the good doctor was rather angry. To most anyone, it seemed his glasses reflected light. But to a handful of muppets backstage and a pair of elderly man knew, it was not a good sign. He smiled like he wanted to keep pretenses, like an animal snarling in a suit. 

“Well then…” Bunsen began, reaching into a drawer in his rolling lab cart and grabbing two items out. 

“This is always good for causing a spark!” 

With joviality in his words, he handed the chuckling cherub an apple with the stem alight with fire-

The explosion lit up the stage white and left black ash splattered on half of Bunsen’s face and labcoat, his smile never breaking even as the falling flier crashed into a certain booth. 

“Well,” Bunsen began, sliding his cracked glasses up his nose, “ ...that shall be all from Muppets Lab. Join us next time where we’ll show our paroxysmal produce line!” 

The audience gave it's smattering of claps as Bunsen rushed the cart of stage, abandoning it once beyond the curtains view to look for Beaker. It didn’t take long for Bunsen to figure out where his dear assistant went however, with the smell of chlorine, bleach, and strawberries wafting from above. 

~~~

Leaning against the parapet, Beaker stared into the night sky, watching his breath curl like smoke from an experiment in the darkness. The stars still shone brightly and Beaker drank in the sight. Let the cold night air wash over him.

“You know, Beaker, I think you aren’t dressed for star gazing tonight.” 

Beaker turned his head in surprise, seeing Bunsen bathed in the light slipping out of the theater from the trap door he had popped out of. 

“Mi…” Beaker acknowledged before looking at the stars once more. He heard the door closed and the shuffling but kept his eyes firmly on the stars, even when Bunsen sat down next to him. He did glance at him when the doctor began snickering. 

“C-could you hear the explosion from up here?” Bunsen asked before snickering once more. The sound often brought a smile to Beaker’s face, and- though faint as the stars- tonight was no exception. However confusion partnered with the slight smile as he looked at the snickering scientist.

“Mi-mo-meh?”

Bunsen continued laughing as he pulled his lighter out and lit it. Beaker moved back instinctively, but in the little light Beaker saw the residue of an explosion coating his jacket. When he looked to Bunsen’s eyes for an answer he saw the cracked glass of one lense as the doctor continued his snickering.

“Mi mi MEE, meep mo mee mi mo-” Beaker began, pulling his own small flashlight out and reaching out to grab his arm. “Mee  _ mi _ mo meep ma meep mo meep mi meep mo  _ mo-” _

“Beaker, I promise you the blast radius was not harmful!” Bunsen admonished, shaking his head at his concerned assistant. Beaker whipped his head with a glare, gesturing with one hand to the broken before tapping the frame. 

“Oh, well, this pair was getting old- thats not the point, I know… but-” the doctor snickered again, “I would’ve done it all again. In fact, you should be glad!”

“Mee?” Beaker asked grumpily as he continued looking over Bunsen’s arm. 

“Mr. Eros tested out the apple bomb so you don’t have to…” 

Beaker looked up at Bunsen, the smugness radiating off of him, and relaxed before snickering as well. And there they sat, snickering in the cold night air. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you know what they say- an apple a day keeps a nuisance away!
> 
> So, its been a jump in time if you haven't noticed! Yeah, February was a mess. And now its a different mess! 
> 
> While I do think this could fit as a good conclusion, there is more of this wacky adventure to come. Just wish me luck with sitting down and writing it all properly out
> 
> Let me know if you liked it and what you liked! If you're in doubt about what to comment you can put "also kudos here" and I will appreciate it. Good luck and stay healthy everyone!


	6. In a certain box

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> calm before a storm...
> 
> you know the calm before the chaos is more fitting and sounds nicer to me. Anyone else?

Cupid shook his head raising his head off the ground to look at the pair of grumpy old men scowling down at him. 

“Small tip kid-” Waldorf began, letting Statler finish.

“Don’t anger one of the men responsible for the pyrotechnics for the show!”

Cupid sighed, shaking his head. A bit of grey ash clouded the air and a chunk of apple hit the carpet of their box. 

“Are all the acts on this show so…” he gestured with his hair, a grimace on his face as he searched for the right word, “...so _energetic?_ ”

The pair of gentlemen looked to each other before Statler replied.

“The next act isn’t too bad. Fozzie’s humor isn’t the _best_ -”

“But he won’t make things explode or throw knives at you!” 

“... this is gonna be a long night, huh?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In the bonus features of my Muppets Treasure Island DvD, Statler and Waldorf state that Fozzie pays them to heckle him, which I thought was funny and cute. The best comedians need the best critics after all. 
> 
> When its not 3 am, expect to see a certain furred-fella with Valentines day jokes for ya!
> 
> Let me know what you think of the fic! Or scream 'bring on the bear'. Have a good day and stay healthy if you can!


	7. Is it cologne?

"Alright, Fozzie, your set is up next!" Kermit hollered over the bustling backstage. "Swedish Chef, get your ingredients together- woah!" 

The frog ducked as a ball of lettuce sailed over his head and hit Fozzie square in the chest. The bear scrambled to grasp the lettuce, nearly fumbling the vegetable before getting his grip. 

"I've heard of tossing the salad, but this is ridiculous!" Fozzie griped, holding the lettuce up to his face. 

"You're telling me!" the lettuce, face now not buried (not bear-ied?) in fur, spoke, wiggling in the bear's paws. Kermit shook his head, a small smile curling up. Fozzie's best humor seemed to slip out when he wasn't even trying to be funny. 

"Do you have your set ready to go?" Kermit asked, despite knowing with one look that the bear was prepared- or as he would say 'pre-bear-ed'. His what was mostly the same except for the pink band with white hearts around the base of the hat and a matching tie. Under one arm was a bright pink rubber chicken.

"Did you get that just for the holiday?" Kermit asked, gesturing to the chicken. Fozzie shook his head, frowning slightly. 

"No, but I now know not to wash your rubber chickens with the red fabrics..." Fozzie be moaned, lifting the chicken up sadly, a disgruntled honk squeezed from its body. Kermit found himself chuckling and had to hide it behind a webbed hand. Crazy things happen with the muppets, so the mediocre stuff is always a bit weirder.

"Alright, I'm sure the two in the lab can help you fix them-" "Oh, speaking of Muppet labs, is Beaker okay?" Fozzie asked, fiddling with his off-color toy. "There wasn't an explosion, but I saw Beaker running off stage as I came over here to you!" 

Suddenly, as if on cue, an explosion sounded from the stage. Kermit and Fozzie looked at one another before glancing back at the stage. 

"Yeah, that is a little odd... Kermit trailed off, smelling as the scent of apple pie floated backstage. 

"Oh, there's Bunsen!" Fozzie spoke, pointing to the ash-covered scientist bursting backstage. "Should I go ask?"

"No-" Kermit shook his head. "I think he and Beaker need to do this on their own... Wait, Fozzie- You're next! Three minutes, get ready! I need to find the Swedish Chef..." 

Slipping through the crowd backstage, Fozzie made his way to the curtain. That's when he saw a bottle, left on its side atop a cart by the stage. Heart shaped and smelling ever so slightly of rubber chickens! He picked it up to look the heart-shaped container this way and that.

"Hey, Camilla?" He called to the lead chicken, who had a makeup brush held aloft in her beak when she turned to him. "Is this breathe spray or cologne?" 

The bird's eyes widened before she shook her head and tried to communicate to him to leave it be, but all that came out was " _baawk bok baak bawk!"_

"...I’ll take that as a yes", Fozzie replied, missing the head shaking of the chicken. "...but for which one?"

Before Camilla could replay, the chickens behind her began squawking- oh, she warned them not to touch anything from the lab! She ran up to the five chickens who had first hand experience with Muppet Lab's Super Adhesive. A bit too much of an experience, she clucked to herself as she instructed them to head downstairs to the basement in hopes of finding a remedy in that chaotic lab. 

"Hmmm..." Fozzie Bear mused as he stared at it, its wonderful aroma leaving his nose twitching. 

"Hey, Fozzie-" Gonzo began, grabbing his arm. "Any clue where the chickens went? We were gonna practice our stunt?... whats that?" peaking over his arm at the odd bottle. "Whatcha got there?"

"That's my problem-" Fozzie said, handing the bottle to his friend. "I can't tell if its cologne or some fancy wine-" 

Before Fozzie could say Fuzzy Wuzzy was a Bear, the small whatever had opened the bottle and took a sip before handing the bottle back. He paused for a moment, thinking, before he gave a burp smelling suspiciously like an omelet to the air. 

"Well... its definitely isn't juice!" 

Fozzie stared at his friend in shock, his jaw slightly opened. 

"I think the chickens went to the basement..."

"Ah! Thanks Foz!" Gonzo replied, patting the befuddled bear on his back. "Good luck with your comedy!" 

Fozzie looked at the bottle and at the cart where it came from. A little tube with a small rubber sphere laid next to where the bottle had been. 

"...cologne it is! Well, maybe this'll help my comedy not stink..." 

He re attached the tube to the novel before trying to give himself a spritz. Instead, he knocked his hat clear off his head. He bent down to pick it off the floor when Scooter motioned for him to go on stage. Fozzie nodded, put his lovely-scented hat back atop his head before he went on stage. 

Scooter sighed, shaking his head. "They never pay attention!... Gonzo, why are you snuggling a stapler?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can you guess the comedian who impacted this chapter? let me know if you know! 
> 
> With all the mayhem (and not the electric kind) going around right now, I'll be trying to keep updating this fic since the comments I get and seeing the word count tic up makes me happy. Hopefully it helps cheer you up as well!   
> Stay everyone.


	8. Oh no...

The pair descended down the hidden stairs carefully, skipping the one caved in step, before reaching the second floor of the backstage. 

“If it's quite alright with you, Beaker, I’d like to put on a proper set of eye-wear and get back to the drawing board on that ‘elixir’.” The air quotes he made with his fingers made Beaker roll his eyes, and Bunsen’s smile brightened considerably. The red head motioned behind him with his thumb with a tilt of his head.

“You read my mind, Beaky dear. You’re okay with grabbing the cart?”

“M-meep!” 

“Alright, then. I’ll see you in the lab then!” 

Beaker sighed inside his collar as he ducked down to hide his smile. He’d never tell his mad scientist, but he dearly loved the little nicknames Bunsen spouted when he was feeling happy or trying to be mad. He made his way downstairs, albeit hesitantly when he heard the commotion coming from downstairs. 

It turns out chickens and super adhesive really don’t go well together. Camilla was trying to coral her fellow feathered friends and keep them from making a mess, but with all the mess of the backstage- Beauregard off on his honeymoon- they soon amassed a large lumping ball of feathers, papers, and a few helpless monsters. 

Beaker narrowly avoided the pile on the way to the cart. He could hear Fozzie Bear’s set and smiled a bit sadly. Sounds like he wasn’t the only single Muppet from the show cast. Fozzie didn’t seem sad about it, luckily. He glanced through the curtain to see Fozzie and Cupid on stage, cupid being subjected to all the bear’s jokes. Beaker would have pitied anyone else who wasn’t that flying menace. 

If it hadn’t been for Cupid, Beaker had thought about playing along with the charade, five minutes of being affectionate to his boss. He could finally make that confident scientist turn a different shade of green, flustered even! 

Beaker shook his head, laughing in his head at the thought. He could never- while it’d have been nice to show Bunsen, Beaker felt like it would have been mortifying after Bunsen worked on a cure. It was a weird situation. But, luckily, he could work his way in trying to convince Bunsen to work on something else- _anything_ else. 

Miss Piggy burst backstage, a mass of pink boa feathers and glitter cloud surrounding her. 

"Where is that little weirdo!" she hollered, causing several muppets to duck away. Those foolish enough not to where chucked- a certain ball of lettuce seen soaring through the back stage. "I need those chickens _now,"_ she grumbled out "this dress is _not_ a show-stopper, _un morceau de tissu horriblement médiocre, ces l' entrée incapables de voler-" _

Suddenly she stopped at the edge of the stage, eyes transfixed. Beaker hadn't been paying attention to her noise, listening to Fozzie's set upon the stage.

"Aww," Miss Piggy squealed behind Beaker. He tried his best not to flinch. "Kermit must have got this for moi! Très sweet!" 

He turned curiously to look at said pig when a familiar scent hit his senses all at once. 

Covering his face from the scent, Beaker slowly stepped back. Sadly, a feature Bunsen often berated him for, his untied shoelaces weren't aware of the danger. 

He crashed back into the cart, rattling it as he fell onto his backside. From the stage he heard a gasp from Fozzie Bear.

"Oh! My first rim-shot! I've really made it Ma!" 

Beaker, however, had his eyes trained on a certain pig. Said Pig was staring back, her pupils blown wide and her jaw dropped. 

' _Well,'_ Beaker thought, shrinking into his collar further. ' _I think Bunsen will be glad to know it worked...'_

"Oh!" Miss Piggy gasped. " _Bonjour_ , mon magnifique man! What are you doing upon the floor?" She had no sooner asked then grabbed his arm, pulling him swiftly up. He had forgotten how strong she could be. He shook like a leaf clinging to a branch, and just as brightly colored as said autumn leaf. 

She entwined herself to his arm, resting her cheek upon his shoulder. Beaker stared at her bewildered before feeling eyes burning against his skin. He slowly turned his head to meet those eyes, having to look slightly downward to meet them. And they were coming closer.

"Ah, Mr Beaker" Kermit began as he got near them. He lifted his clipboard and gave it a cursory glance. "Muppet Labs has already gone- Shouldn't you be in the basement?"

"The basement?!" Miss Piggy exclaimed, lifting her head off of Beaker and cutting him off. "This is a star here and you want to hide him in some dingy _basement??"_ Miss Piggy albeit yelled. 

"Piggy-"

"Mr the Frog."

Kermit stopped, slightly shocked as he looked between the two- one fiery and angry, the other terrified with pleading eyes. Kermit and Piggy stared at each other silently, neither willing to break the tension. 

"M-mi meep?" 

They turned to Beaker, who was struggling not to hide in his collar. He lifted the boa, trying to communicate his point. Kermit's eyes lit up and he smiled before turning to Miss Piggy. 

"Beaker is right, Miss Piggy!" Kermit exclaimed, clapping a hand on Beaker's unclaimed arm. "Don't you need to get ready for the final number- our show stopper?"

She gasped, tightly grasping Beaker's arm. He was used to pain so only winced, more struggling not to duck at the shriek she let out. 

"My performance! Where are-"

"Beaker, I heard the chickens went down to the basement. Miss Piggy, you should wait in your dressing room-" 

"Wait-" 

"While Beaker goes and collects them for you!" Kermit interrupted, untangling her arms from the young scientist. "You don't want to go on with smeared makeup would you?"

"Smeared?!?" 

Before Kermit could say another word, she was off into her dressing room, leaving behind the faint scent of the Love Perfume Bunsen had made. Kermit sniffed the air curiously. 

"Beaker, uh-" Kermit began turning to the scientist but Beaker was already gone, mowing down muppets as he and the cart barreled away. 

"Huh...Oh, Swedish Chef! You're up next!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> un morceau de tissu horriblement médiocre, ces l' entrée incapables de voler:   
> a horribly poor piece of cloth, those entree' unable to fly  
> Bonjour, mon magnifique man:  
> Hello, my magnificent man (man is different in french according to Google Translate but-)
> 
> Let me know if you're curious about Fozzie's joke set! Or, if you'd like to make your own with it please show me so I can see it! I like comments even if its just 'comment'


	9. Back in the lab

Bunsen sighed shaking his slightly as he applied a coat of a purple solvent to the round ball of chickens, office supplies, and various vegetables. 

“Next time, avoid using Muppet Lab’s Super Adhesive for minor inconveniences. Use it for cannonball repairs or-” 

“Meep Meep Meeeeeeeeep!!!!” 

Bunsen turned to his assistant as he burst into the scene, panting while leaning over the cart, having slammed the lab door closed behind him. The chickens that had been freed from the ball turned in shock at Beaker’s arrival, but the good doctor didn’t even move from his lab table. 

“Ah, Beaker, you’re just in time to help me making more solvent-

“Meep-”

“No buts about it, these chickens are up in 2 sets, following Swedish Chef.”

“Mi meep mi mo Mi meep _meep_!”

“Oh dear, already?” Bunsen replied, pushing his glasses up as he looked to Gonzo who was helping wipe gunk off of the freed chicken’s feathers. “

"Well then, we mustn’t doddle, dear!” Bunsen exclaimed, wiggling a finger at the taller man. “Go and grab the bunsonium concentrate from the fridge- when the chickens are free you can tell me about whatever is on your mind.”

The pair quickly set to work, Beaker glancing every so often towards the metal door. Bunsen’s curiosity only grew, but he had to remain focused! The chickens must be out of the lab before they could work on their 'potion'! 

Gonzo tried to help but was mostly there to keep the ball of birds calm and out of their way. 

Beaker leaned against the table, waiting for Bunsen and Gonzo to finish cleaning up the last chicken. The solvent was quickly made between the pair fortunately. But not quick enough.

He could hear the clip of heels down their little hall outside the metal door and promptly ducked behind a lab table with a panicked "meep!"

Bunsen looked over to where his assistant had been standing curiously when the door to their lab burst open, the metal reverberating audibly. 

Clothed in a shimmering silver robe, Miss Piggy stood, looking around. Her eyes met the head scientist's glasses and she headed for him, brushing chickens out of her way. Well, the chickens that didn't immediately hop away from her. 

"Hello!" Miss Piggy called, waving a gloved hand as she walked up. "Mr, um-"

" _Doctor_ Bunsen Honeydew, at your serv-"

"Sure, sure." She waved her hand off before continuing. "So Honeydough-"

"Honeydew-" 

"Whatever." She glared at him before sighing, arms crossed. "Have you seen my Beakiepoo?"

Bunsen stopped, his eyebrows drawing rather tightly together as he stared at her. 

" _Your…_ Beakiepoo?" 

He sounded incredulous, even to Beaker as he hid now in the far back of their lab. Miss Piggy nodded, seemingly oblivious to his shock. She looked around the lab in an absent minded way before continuing. 

"Yeah, he came down here to help me get the chickens back, but I got impatient waiting for my snookums-"

" _Snookums_?"

"So here I am! Where is my tall, long, and handsome…" she began to travel deeper into the lab. 

Beaker felt an odd sense of deja vu as he hid behind a lab island hearing the telltale clip of her heels approaching. 

"Miss Piggy, I really dont think-"

"Can it, melon head!" She turned to him, whipping her hair back. "You cannot keep us apart! Our love is far too strong!"

Before Bunsen could reply, a paper wad hit him in the leg. He bent down to pick it up, unraveling it swiftly. 

_' Tell her I went to get her flowers for encore and send them all away. Remind her she needs to get ready. Will explain after. -Beaker '_

Bunsen looked down and could see Beaker staring at him, eyes wide and pleading. 

"Beaker wanted me to tell you he needed to go pick up flowers!" He called, catching the diva's attention once more. 

"Really?" she asked, standing up fully, only a few desks away from the hidden assistant. Beaker did all but heave a sigh of relief as she started moving away. 

"Something about the finale being so spectacular and needing roses to throw out for an encore?"

Miss Piggy gasped, moving quickly over to Bunsen. 

"He said all that?" She asked excitedly, grabbing his shoulders. Before Bunsen could reply, she raised her hand to her heart before sighing happily. 

"Oh, my Beakiepoo loves me so!"

Bunsen flinched before continuing on. "I-it seems so…" Bunsen replied, rubbing a hand over the back of his head while gesturing with his other. "Is that what you are wearing for it though?"

Miss Piggy looked down at herself before gasping, a shriek letting loose. Bunsen was mostly desensitized to shrieks- the explosive clothing line had helped damage his hearing enough- but he couldn't help but flinch at the loud noise. 

"I'm not ready yet and the show is already so far in! Come on ladies, we need to get ready!"

She ran out the door, a group of chickens flapping after her. Camilla nodded her head to Bunsen before taking off after her fellow feathered friends.

The lab was silent for a few moments as Bunsen slowly followed behind and slowly closed- and locked- the lab door. When he turned back around, he could see Beaker peeking over the table at him. If Bunsen wasn't feeling... what ever he was feeling... he'd think it was quite cute. He did not feel cute. 

"Beaker, since when were you and Miss Piggy... she called you _Beakiepoo??_ " Bunsen asked, watching as his assistant ran up to the cart and began looking around. Whatever he was looking for, he obviously didn't find as he collapsed against the cart, smacking his head forcefully down. 

"Its not good to do that to your head. I don't particularly feel like digging around for the nose glue." 

Beaker pushed himself off the cart, giving Bunsen a sad look before pointing to the whiteboard behind the head scientist. Upon which laid out the formulas and such for their latest experiment and the source of Beaker's current torture. Bunsen turned to it, his concerned look only deepening.

"If you forgot to grab it, we still have some left over-" 

"Meep mo" Beaker said tiredly, not looking at Bunsen as he walked over to a lab table. 

"It worked?" Bunsen asked, looking between Beaker and the whiteboard. "What do you mean-"

"Mi meep meep MO!" He began, shouting at the end before pressing his face into the table. His hands found their way to his hair and a low grumble could be heard. Bunsen scurried up to the table and looked nervously at his assistant.

In a corner of his mind, Beaker thought how ironic that the shoe is on the other foot. Beaker knows whats going on and Bunsen is left anxiously waiting for information. Beaker pushed himself off the table and looked at the other scientist. 

"Mi Mee meep mo meep-"

"and it worked on her? Well, thats a relief, I-" Bunsen, seeing the glare his assistant was aiming at the whiteboard, backtracked, "well, not for you, obviously, but um..." Bunsen scrubbed a hand over his face suddenly. "But the bottle is still out there?"

"meep..." Beaker replied, looking down at the table.

"Oh dear..." Bunsen fretted, going over and dragging one of their many standing whiteboards over to his morose assistant. "Then we need to work on creating an antidote quickly. I already have a few ideas-" 

Beaker looked up as Bunsen began rambling on. When he put his mind to something, he could ramble for days. Something about it made Beaker relax ever so slightly. He found himself getting up and grabbing one of the few empty boards and wheeled it over, wordlessly handing Bunsen a marker. 

They got to work. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought I'd write more in quarantine once online classes ended. The cleaning snuck up on me. I promise I haven't forgotten about this fic, and there will be more. I really want to wrap this up nicely, but there is still plenty of chaos left to come!
> 
> Oh, and the explosive clothing is from an actual skit (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_j2pvi8FOQA) before beaker was introduced. When Bunsen had to play lab rat for his own stuff. Nose glue is also from another skit (edible paperclips).


	10. Plan A

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some dark thoughts are implied, but nothing truly bad occurs. Except a little passing out.

Beaker bristled as he looked down at the handful of green sticks held in his left hand as he reached up and knocked on the pink door with his right. 

“Who is it?” Miss Piggy called from somewhere behind the door. Beaker froze, hand still up as he whispered a quiet ‘meep’. 

The door was thrown open for a moment before a hand reached out, grabbed his still-lofted arm, and dragged him inside. Beaker hardly had a moment to collect himself before he was facing the diva herself. 

“Beakiepoo!” she spoke before pulling him tightly against her. He awkwardly went to hug her back when she pulled back, smiling brightly

“I went to the lab to look for you… what are those?” her mood dropped considerably when she saw what looked like green branches held in his hand. 

He nodded before extracting himself from her to place the sticks into an empty vase. He took the water pitcher off her dresser and filled the vase with water. 

Suddenly, the sticks turned a brighter green and flowers began to sprout out of them. Miss Piggy gasped, approaching them.

When Beaker was younger, he wanted to do magic. He created the rehydratable flowers for an act, but in doing so found his passion for science instead. He’d planned on showing them to Bunsen after the show- he knew Bunsen would be able to make better work of them that he did. 

Yet, needs must. There was a plan in motion. 

He looked around her to see if he could spot the bottle-and there it was. Right by her eye-shadow sat the bottle, the lingering chemical scent of it still hanging in Miss Piggy’s golden locks. Beaker mentally curses himself- it seemed like she just resprayed it when he knocked. So close. 

“Oh, it's like magic!” she spoke, reaching out to touch the flowers. Each stick was a different flower, and they blossomed into a lopsided bouquet. 

_‘Science’,_ Beaker thought to himself. He simply meeped, feeling a bit of red in the face. 

"Oh, don't be bashful, dear!" Miss Piggy spoke over her shoulder, before turning back to the flowers. "They're lovely..." 

He moved forward as quietly as he could, and around her towards her makeup station. He hoped the display would distract her long enough, some flowers taking more time to come alive than others. 

"When I was younger, Deadly took me to a garden. So many flowers..." Miss Piggy spoke, a far off sound to her voice. "The farm where I grew up didn't have anything but plants for food and grass..."

She sighed, seeming to shake the thought from her head before continuing on. Beaker nodded, half listening but watching her for any sudden movements. When she kept smiling tiredly at the flowers, he continued his motions. 

"I had never seen so many colors, so much vibrancy in one place... I wanted to stay in that garden forever. May favorite flower was the rose, of course." She chuckled, her eyes crinkling closed. "I know, how cliché..."

Beaker grabbed the bottle and quickly held it behind him as she turned to him. He gave a nervous smile, but she seemed none the wiser, carrying on.

"But Deadly said I was like a rose- beautiful and dangerous." She turned back to the flowers as Beaker ducked his head into his collar. If the repainted and dented spots in her wall hadn't shown how dangerous an angry Miss Piggy was, the karate trophy hidden by another bouquet did. 

"I liked that thought," Piggy spoke on, unaware of the anxious assistant behind her. "-that it was okay that I wasn't une delicate flower that needed protection." 

She sighed, turning back to Beaker with drooping eyes. He held the bottle behind his back, staring at her with a smile as she leaned against the dresser. 

"Sorry to... talk so much... I'm just feeling a little... woozy..." 

It wasn't until she had started to fall that Beaker realized what she was saying. He had only just managed to catch her before she hit the floor, shrieking out as he did so. He held her in an awkward dip, eyes wide and nervous. It didn't help that the door to the dressing room burst open suddenly. 

Kermit looked between the dazed Miss Piggy and Beaker, his face partially in shadow but still looking displeased. 

"I know that the Muppet Theater tends to be full of chaos..." he spoke in a calculated way, as if trying not to let his anger bleed to fully out. "But, that does not change the rule against-"

Miss Piggy yawned suddenly, shaking out of her daze and slowly standing up once more. 

"Thank you, Beaker, for catching me..." she spoke, her voice still not quite her own yet. Beaker looked at Kermit, who had turned more concerned by the second. The men looked to one another before helping the disorientated lady to her chair. 

" 'm alrih- really" she mumbled as they lowered her into her chair. "Oh, did I almost drop the perfume?" She pointed to the bottle in Beaker's pocket.

"Must've used too much..." she spoke, grabbing the bottle back before returning it to the table. "Gimme a moment alone, please, and leave a gap when you go..."

She shooed them off with one hand while the other held her head.

"See you in bit, love..." she spoke as the pair made their way to the door.

"Are you sure you'll be alright-"

"Yes, Mr the Frog. I'll be fine..."

~~~

Kermit turned to Beaker after they stepped out of the room, having just left the door slightly ajar. 

"Mr Beaker-"

At least, Kermit would have if Beaker hadn't began bee-lining back down to the lab. 

"hey, just you- now wait a moment here!" the amphibian hollered to the fleeing scientist, chasing after as the sound of singing chickens carried on out upon the stage. 

~~~

Beaker made it back into the lab, huffing and leaning against the door. 

"Should I assume she put up a fight for the perfume then?" Bunsen asked, not looking away from the board. 

"M...meep mo mo meep mi meep..." he spoke, panting through his meeps as he walked up to the other scientist. 

"Did you run all the way here?" Bunsen asked, perplexed as he turned away from the board to look at his assistant. Right as his boss burst into the lab. .

"Alright," Kermit hollered, anger still heavily in his tone, "what did you two maniacs do to my- er- Miss Piggy?!"

Bunsen turned to Beaker questioningly before looking at Kermit- "You mean you didn't know?"

"know what?! Know that you'd run experiments on Miss Piggy in her dressing room, if that's what you'd call it-"

"Now, you wait just a minute!" Bunsen began, looking frustrated as well until a thud had them both turning towards Beaker, who was knocking his head against the wall repeatedly. 

After a few thwacks, he turned back to the pair of green men and pulled the white board forward with 'Love Potion' emblazoned on it. Between Beaker's meeps and Bunsen's translation, they were able to explain Miss Piggy's odd behavior, and why she might be feeling unwell. 

"Well, it didn't smell any different from her usual perfume, but if she was using it as often as she usually sprays hers-"

"Mi meep meep mo mi meep meep mo-"

"Partially empty??" Bunsen replied, scratching his head. "She's only had it for a few performances- not even an hour! How-"

"Its easier not to question her, Doctor Honeydew..." Kermit replied, shaking his head. "So, you need the perfume back to make an antidote then?"

"And to prevent further cast contamination." Bunsen spoke with a nod, patting a moping Beaker on the back. "The last thing we need is this spreading through the theater..." 

Kermit's eyes widened and he seemed to shudder before looking back at the duo before him. ' _And before Miss Piggy goes insane from one of their inventions, too'_ , he thought to himself. 

"Agreed. Is there any way I can help?" 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, two months without an update. I promise I won't forget about this fic. I just didn't expect it to get so long. And yet, still feels so small.
> 
> Kermit is now on the team! While plan A failed, we'll have to see about the next few plans in store. As always, I am always glad to read all of your comments, and hope you're staying safe out there. Until next time!


	11. Plans B through Eh, just forget it

*thunk*

“Beaker”

*thunk*

“Beaker-”

*thunk*

“Beakie, will you stop it!” Bunsen called, turning to glare at his assistant. Said assistant had been smacking his head repeatedly on the table he sat at. 

“It's not hopeless-”

Without looking up from the table, Beaker mumbled something before pointing to the first of three whiteboards standing in front of them. Sprawling in green, near illegible writing, was a mess of words. Only the blocky word of ‘PLAN’ stood out, popping up with a few ideas turned disasters.

~~~

Plan B could have worked. They had many loyal penguins helping run their lab, helping in the pursuit of science, when they weren’t hunting down Lew Zealand for fish. Beaker had a supply of ‘endless fish’ and a cloning machine, and with that they were very loyal.

It still was like pulling hairs to recruit one for this plan. One bird managed to be persuaded to help.

The plan was simple. Lower one penguin in from the vent, grab the perfume while Miss Piggy was sewing the rest of her costume up, and then pull him back out! Another one of Bunsen’s brilliant plans pulled forth. 

They had the penguin harnessed up to a fishing line, slowly lowered down when Miss Piggy got up to grab an unfortunate stuffed tomato off her desk. 

“These push pins are never where I need them!” she grumbled, missing the penguin dangling inches above her. 

In their haste to pull him up out of sight, the penguin swayed on the swing, brushing the brightly colored plume Miss Piggy had pinned to her mess of hair. 

It kept tickling his nose, the sensation torture. If he hadn’t sneezed, he’s sure he would have exploded! 

Whether the explosion would’ve really been that bad, he’d never known. With one fatal sneeze, the penguin operatives were caught… Literally, she wrapped them all up in the line off their fishing rod before throwing them through the door.

~~~

Plan C was Kermit’s plan- He was her friend, if he just talked to her maybe she’d hand it over. Instead, he was treated like a construction worker- here to fix her door so she could have her modesty. After all, those rotten vegetables flying outside couldn't keep their comments to their selves, and she didn't want to have to clean them out from under her nails later. 

In her defense, he did wear a hard hat and later fixed the door. Sort of. He duct taped over the hole. After that he had to help broker a peace treaty between Swedish chef and those vegetables. 

~~~

Plan D wasn’t quite a full fledged plan. They asked the chickens if they would grab the bottle when they went in to talk with Miss Piggy. The chickens got distracted, and one made the mistake of testing her perfume. 

Let's just say a certain stuffed tomato is a lucky fellow, and duct tape is harder to remove than the glue that stained those feathers earlier 

~~~

Plan E was Beaker going in again, and despite his protests he was sent in, only to leave with his tie torn, an iron burn smoking off the side of his head, and smeared lipstick marks over his face. 

He didn’t want to talk about it. 

~~~

“Alright, those failed but-”

Beaker groaned, raising his head only to drop it once more with a thump. He heard Bunsen sigh from across the room, and the footsteps. 

Suddenly, a hand was moving through his hair, stroking it gently. Confused, he lifted his head to find a grumpy Bunsen next to him, standing by his chair. 

“Beaker, science is not for quitters.” Bunsen spoke, the annoyance peeking out of his voice while his hand didn’t stall in it's ministrations. It felt nice, though Beaker would deny that, along with the red seeping up from under his collar. He sat up more, but still felt himself sliding behind his shirt collar. 

“There has got to be some way of getting that chemical creation of ours off that Pig…” Bunsen spoke, turning to look at the boards. 

That's when Beaker lit up with an idea. 

“B-BEAKER!” Bunsen shrieked, covering his eyes. “Warn a fellow before you do that! Or put on some sunglasses!” 

Beaker closed his eyes, taking a breath and letting the power surge to his eyes decrease before opening them and revealing a new plan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time is an illusion, I'm finishing this eventually. 
> 
> Let me know if anyone is still reading this, give me a 'yeah booi' if you are.

**Author's Note:**

> The Muppet theme goes through. Let's see if I can get this goliath of a fic out all today. Its been rattling in my head for a good few months, but I kept underestimating how soon Valentine's really is.
> 
> We will get to the action soon enough, don't worry :)


End file.
